


He called me Bambi?

by YomiNoKura



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Afterlife?, F/M, Suicide, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-28
Updated: 2016-10-28
Packaged: 2018-08-27 11:52:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8400673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YomiNoKura/pseuds/YomiNoKura
Summary: It’s quick for you to catch on that Jean had a crush on Mikasa. Those stolen glances he had of her while he sparred, groaned when she spoke to Eren, and how highly he praised her to both you and Marco. Gods it was annoying. “She’s just sho- good at everything, you know?” he muses with a full mouth of food. You and Marco just nod in unison as you all chew.





	

**Author's Note:**

> hi I'm Tomie and I upload the most random dabbles in old fandoms I'm in at 11:30 PM central time. Suicide happens.

Soldier suicide is not common in the military.

 

It was drilled in your heads that you were serving humanity by doing a job that most others don’t want to do, and that your lives were not worthless. Nurses and bonding with your fellow trainees enforced your will to live in the barracks. You were nervous at first to be around other teenagers your age due to your shy personality after the bullying that you experienced in primary school.

 

You sat alone at dinner that first night, avoiding everyone’s glances at you. Choking down your gruel, you almost yelp as two guys set their plates a your wooden table. A dark haired boy with freckles (Marco?) you saw get yelled at earlier today by your new instructor-Shadis sits next to you, giving you an assuring grin. In front of you, a flash of copper hair slouches in his new seat, stirring this gruel with a groan. You recognize him as the guy that got headbutted by Shadis- Jean?

 

“Uh….”you trail off. “Why… Are you two sitting here?”

 

“Why do you think, Bambi?” “Jean” drawls at you, and you puff up your cheeks in annoyance at the new nickname before going back to your food. If you could even call it that.

 

“C’mon Jean, give her a break,” Marco laughs, “Shadis didn’t pick on her compared to your headbutt.”

 

“She’s still meek compared to everyone here, Marco,” Jean retorts in bites between his food before he coughs. “Gods, this is vile.”

 

“Tell me about it,” you mutter. “I’ll...be going.” your spoon quietly clinks on your empty bowl as you stand up. “Oh, by the way, Jean,” you stare at him, trembling with your bowl in your hands. “My name isn’t Bambi. It’s ________.”

 

Too rude. You break eye contact with him and almost run away, your skirt fluttering, revealing toned legs. You glance back nervously, then break into a run out of the mess hall.

 

Reiner whistles. “Damn, Jean! Making a girl cry already!” from his table, where Bertholdt tries to quiet him.

 

“Hell no!” Jean shouts. “I didn’t mean to that!”

 

He just stares at his unappetizing food. “I just want to fucking get out of here and join the Military Police. Live a life safe behind Wall Sina, and never see a Titan.”

 

You were back outside the doorway as you heard that, then you leave silently, hoping no one saw you as you burst into tears behind the door to your assigned barracks, not able to see Sasha run across your window. 

 

“Hey, Bambi- oof!” Jean groans as Marco socks him in the stomach. “I mean- _________!”

 

“Ah,” you look at the pair, and nod to them with your red-rimmed eyes standing out of your face. _Stupid. Why would you think they would be nice to you after that? They’re trying to see if you’re going to cry in front of them._ you convince yourself, turning your attention to the contraption behind your instructor.

 

\---  
So, balancing on the hanging glider is easy for you.

 

Everyone watches you as you flip your entire body upside down and back right up gracefully, despite the restraints of your uniform- the standard pants, belt, and jacket with a black v-neck shirt. This is the first time your fellow trainees not have a worried look on your face as you swung, smile as wide has your hope at the time.

 

“How’d you learn to do that, Bambi?”

 

You just stare at him blankly, eyes now only the slightly puffy. “Just a skill I learned before you.” you state before walking away from him.  
\---  
It’s quick for you to catch on that Jean had a crush on Mikasa.

 

Those stolen glances he had of her while he sparred, groaned when she spoke to Eren, and how highly he praised her to both you and Marco. _Gods it was annoying._

 

“She’s just sho- good at everything, you know?” he muses with a full mouth of food. You and Marco just nod in unison as you all chew. 

 

It’s been a year that the three of you naturally became a trio, with you opening up slightly to the two of them. “We know, Jean, we know.” you state, rolling your eyes.

 

It sucks to know he’s also oblivious.

 

Where was Mikasa when you try to push him into mud and he pulled you along with him? Was she there when you first saw him laugh so easily when his rich tenor sent your heart doing a backflip? 

 

You just sigh, dropping your spoon to rub your temples in frustration at his chatter about Mikasa.

 

“Are you okay, _______?” Jean asks, and you _hate yourself for sinking into a unrequited crush just like Jean because you SWEAR to god you can’t handle his childish ass like this._

 

You groan. “I’m fine. I’m probably gonna head to bed after I shower early. I feel like shit.”

 

“You barely ate,” Marco worries, and you just wave your hand at him as you stand up.

 

“I’ll be fine tomorrow.”

 

That’s a lie.  
\---  
It’s 3DMG practice today.

 

You’re skilled enough to be better than a majority of your friends, but nowhere near the obvious top ten.

 

You swung from tree to tree with ease, nailing a couple of the titan models before the others.

 

“Don’t think you’ll have it that easy ______!” Connie calls, not far behind. You grin, then speed slightly faster, weaving in between trees.

 

Connie appears above you, and you grin. “Pick a god and pray that you get this titan!” you shout, then aim your wires higher to lift your body even higher in the trees. The practice neck is _yours._

 

You land that cut with enough precision to kill it, and then swoop out of the way as Connie almost nails you with his blades. The both of you laugh as the others catch up with the two of you, Jean almost about to haul your ass into next week for going so damn fast for him.

 

Then it happens.

 

You know Connie isn’t a very vengeful or petty person, and that he was an idiot, but that doesn’t help the fact that you’re suddenly without one wire to support your body 45 feet in the air.

 

_Shit._

 

Everyone watches you as you fall. You immediately use your left wire- your only one wire -to retract back with your falling body as you avoid large branches that would break your back on impact.

 

You pray to any gods to let this one damn hook just attach itself to _something_.

 

Suddenly you’re suspended above the ground about 35 feet now- still a risky position to land with one hook. You see Shadis zooming over to you, obviously pissed that you even fell. Someone catches you and cradles you by lifting you into a bridal style sweep from behind and you shriek, swinging your arms.

 

“Damn, calm down. It’s me.” Jean grumbles, and that just makes you cry for no damn reason at all but in relief. “You’re stupid.”

 

You nod, sniffling as a waiting Shadis tapped his foot on the branch nearby. “I know, I know.”

 

\---  
That was so bittersweet for you to remember as you fall towards the ground of Trost when everyone was launched over the wall because of the reappearance of the Colossal Ttian. You had heard one of your wires snap, and knew there was no one to save you now. 

 

You see Jean reach for you, and you cut your other wire before you wave weakly.

 

Do angels pick you up once you die? Seems like it.

 

\---  
It’s been a hell of a cleanup for Jean. Your body was the first he found, broken, but with a peaceful smile on your lips, marking you the innocent deer he had met just three years ago. A piece of paper had slipped out of your jacket pocket presumably, and miraculously landed next to your corpse, neatly folded.

 

“Ah…” he picks it up and opens it, and your neat curly lettering is instantly recognizable. He scans over the note,

 

_Jean, I never wanted to ever tell you like this, but I wrote this just in case since I am a coward at heart, no matter how much I try to be a lion. Just in case I die._

_I liked you. It would be “like” but you know, I’m dead. I sat with you and Marco for three years to watch you have some love for someone other than me. I’m selfish. I know, I’ve been here for you when things got rough, and you too for me._

_Remember when we were both covered in mud because I tried to push you in but you pulled me along with you? How long ago was that? Two years? I think that’s when I figured out that I liked you._

_Please don’t be mad if I purposely kill myself. It’s my decision, and I hope you forgive me eventually for leaving you along. If I die in battle, just be happy for me, alright? ___

__

__He realizes how much you look like your mother as he traveled to Karanes to give your mother the news of your death. He had gone through your possessions alone, finding the letter you left to your mother. He looked down to the ground as he told your mother that you had been one of the first to die in the Battle of Trost. He hugged her as she burst into tears as he gave her your last letter to her._ _

__

__Why hadn’t he cried in so long? He didn’t even cry when he saw both your body along with Marco, numbly identifying the two of you for the disease control members, watching as your bodies go up in flames, since there was no time to bury all of the dead. He shed few tears and promised himself to join the Scouting Legion, but it didn’t seem right without the two of you._ _

__

__You and Marco were both gone._ _

__

__Your mother and him stay like that for another minute before he nods to her. “I’m sorry, ma’am.”_ _

__

___You_ should’ve been there to greet your mother, not him._ _

__

__Maybe you and Marco were somewhere better. Just not here._ _

__

__You glance at your fellow angel. “I wish we were down there,” you sigh, and he nods, freckles and all._ _

__

__“Don’t we all. But knowing Jean, he’ll make friends fast.”_ _

__

__“Definitely,” you laugh. “Let’s go play bingo with Kaede again.”_ _

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE DON'T KILL ME


End file.
